#11 Life is one big contradiction

And if you want to live authentically, you must be comfortable with being a truthful liar.

Life is never static or logical. Telling the truth today could mean telling a lie tomorrow. Life suggests that truth and falsehood don't coexist but are one. And it’s entirely up to us to decide which side we want to see.

Half of the story

There's this one person I talk to regularly who answers almost every question with “it depends…”. And it drives me nuts. Because sometimes I just want a simple answer to my questions. Because I wish for an easy solution. Because I wish we could look at things and be sure to see things the way they are. But that's rarely the case.

Life is like the little flip cards we had in the 90s before animated GIFs were a thing. Lenticular printing allows the production of graphic elements whose messages change depending on the viewing angle. It's always the same card you are holding in your hand, but depending on where you look at it, you see different things. And no matter how hard you try, you only see one part at a time. Never both.

So, “it depends” seems to be the right answer to every question. And this makes life really complicated. Overwhelmingly complicated. So, our brains came up with some tricks.

Bias as our savior

A bias is a preconception that determines from which angle we look at our little flip card. It influences how we perceive life. Our brain loves biases because they allow it to find answers quickly and without having to write a master thesis about every situation.

And we love to mingle with people who hold the same biases. It gives us a sense of mutual understanding. Life can be so easy.

We love to live in our half of the story. And it's comforting to know that others see the same things as we do; to see the same truth. But it's also incredibly boring! Stepping out of line will break down barriers and unfold a whole new world for you.

Finding contradiction

As soon as you leave your beliefs behind, you will find a world full of inconsistencies. And if you take a step back and look at your own life, you will see that you are full of it too. We are all slaves to our senses, our minds, and biases.

For the ladies, some of you know that your man can ask the same question, but your answer will depend on the weather, moon phase, and current hair situation. Don't make it so hard for him. And for the guys, your woman knows exactly what questions to ask before sex and which ones are better asked after she has slept with you. Don't make it too easy for her.

However, there are different shades and varieties of contradictions, and we should carefully revisit and check on them regularly. It's also important to remember that it's ok to change your mind or hold multiple perspectives on an issue. That’s part of learning and growing. But it's also important to be aware of your own beliefs and actions and try to be consistent and authentic.

Base your contradictions on solid beliefs, not sentiments.

Self-Analysis

Like everybody else, I am full of contradictions too. But, within my own means, I do my best to stay reasonable and logical in this chaotic and absurd world. These are the things where no logic can explain the way I feel:

Compromises

I despise compromises, and I compromise all the time.

To me, a compromise means both sides lose. If both sides win or one side wins, it's called a solution. Compromise means both are not really happy with the result, but to stop the discussion, you agree on something that hurts only a little. It's stupid, and life is stupid sometimes. Therefore, I compromise, although I hate it.

Hardcore softy

I can be as cold as ice and melt away when you touch my heart. When I decide that something is not for me - a thing, a situation, or a person -I don't care about it. Not at all. Zero. But my soft side emerges when something or somebody is dear to me.

People

I dislike and avoid people, and I love working with them.

People are generally annoying because they are flawed. Like I am. I've already got all hands full with my own flaws; I can't take on more. Therefore, I avoid people at all times. And I need people to make sense of my own idiocies. I need people to tell me “it depends” and ask “why” over and over again. I need people to challenge my beliefs, my truths, and my falsehoods. I need people to pull me out of line and show me different doors. I need people to tell me when I am right and to call me out when I’m wrong.

I don't like it, but I need it.

Freedom

I need freedom, and I don't want to be free.

This is one of the hardest lessons from the last five years. For years, I yearned for freedom. And when I finally shed the chains, I was helplessly overwhelmed. Independence entails accountability. The higher the degree of autonomy, the higher your level of responsibility. Today I know that freedom is not free. Today I can choose my freedom wisely.