#13 Into the dark

My biggest fear is being expelled despite doing the right thing. I'm afraid that people don't get me. I'm worried that my words are not being received as intended. Therefore, I say nothing at all on many occasions.

My modus operandi

I'm a very analytical and detail-oriented person. I like to have all the information before taking action. Of course, I'm aware that I will never be able to have all the information, but I will try to get at least as much as possible. As a result, I spend a minimum of 4 hours a day reading, researching, listening to podcasts, or discussing all kinds of topics with people I admire and trust.

To me, this comes easily and feels natural, although it's hard work and takes effort.

It's easy for me because analyzing makes me understand. Understand myself and the world around me. And understanding gives me a sense of safety and control. Control over myself.

From a very young age, I showed high self-reliance and a strong sense of self-motivation. I remember I loved observing other kids or adults and how they did things. But I hated when they tried to tell me how to do things.

As a child, I was fascinated by skilled people and their elegance while doing difficult things. I could sit for hours and observe them. But my mind went blank when they tried to push me to do things the way they did.

I admired most of my teachers for their knowledge. But I despised them when they tried to force their opinion on me.

Despite our similarities, we are all unique. Nobody is like me. Nobody lived my life except me. Nobody sees the world as I do. And nobody sees the world you see. Nobody can tell you how you feel about certain things.

Despite being in this together, we are also alone.

Thus, we all have the responsibility to think for ourselves and, through that, make decisions for ourselves that are aligned with the greater good. It requires a big deal of discipline and hard work. When I attempt to initiate a discussion about that, people have that strange look. People don't get me.

I feel weird. I feel insecure.

I try hard to be the best version of myself, to be decent. It isn´t easy to find people of the same spirit.

Away from the light

Who gets the spotlight? Who gets chosen by the algorithm? Nicholas Perry is one sad example. It's one of the most disturbing things I have learned this week. Here's the story:

A young man shares his passion and talent for playing the violin on YouTube. But nobody watches his videos. So he decides to change the focus of his videos. Some years and approximately a total of 1,8 billion clicks later, this man is famous because he destroys his health on camera.

Playing the violin didn't earn him clicks, but talking bullshit and acting disrespectfully and stupidly for 54 minutes got him 3,9 million clicks in less than two months.

So this is what people like?

This is what people want to see?

Watching the self-destruction of a young man? Eating oneself to death?

What the hell is wrong with people?

I refuse to share the link to the channel that made Nicholas famous. It's nothing but disgusting and disturbing. You don't miss anything.

Of course, Nicholas Perry is an extreme example. But small actions performed by millions have a significant impact too. Every time you pick up your phone while sharing a meal with your loved ones shows that you are more interested in the online world than in the real people around you. Every time you check your phone while somebody is trying to talk to you is a clear signal that strangers online are more important to you than communicating with somebody you know in real life.

Whenever you look at your phone, ask yourself if it serves you or if you serve somebody else. Does it help you to get better, to become a better person? Or does it make you lazier, sedated, or dumb? And if the answer is anything other than "better", then don´t look at your phone.

Take your eyes off the screen. Go away from the light.

Into the dark

Using extreme language, attacking others aggressively and personally, and pushing limits on social networks have become normality in today's society. And the counter-reaction is equally extreme. Platforms that promise a haven of inclusivity and unconditional approval represent an illusionary world to escape.

One is the arena for the bullies, and the latter the stage for the bullied.

And our phones played the main character in creating that mess.

It's time to power down our screens. It's time to retreat from the light that has burnt us.

It's time to walk into the dark.

What sense does it make to adhere to decaying social norms?

So let's look beyond and further. Let's get sober.

Even if it means withdrawing from a group. Even if it means loneliness.

I share the same innate desire for belonging as you. I hate being alone. It scares me. I need people around me. People that inspire me. People that make me think. People with whom I can grow. Real thinkers with original thoughts and ideas. Curious individuals that are eager to learn and grow and guide us into a new era.

I'm yearning for strong leaders with pure intentions. I can't find them on the big stages of today's world, but I know they are out there. And one day, their voice will be strong enough to be heard.

Until then, I'll be waiting in the dark.