#15 Deep breaths

In the past few weeks, life asked me to solve problems, to be practical and logical. Life pushed me to appear strong and in control. The world showed its harsh and unforgiving side and made me lose touch with the softer parts of myself. I miss my own softness. I crave the emotional depth of my vulnerable side.

I know that my true strength lies not in hardness but in softness. And I realize that I have been neglecting this crucial aspect of who I am. Something interesting happened this morning. Something that made me realize it’s time to slow down. And just breathe.

Beneath the Surface

I have been complaining a lot lately. And I have been complaining about many things. Especially about the weather. And finally, today was the day. No wind. No Rain. Perfect tide. All signs indicated a perfect morning with flawless waves.

It was early morning. The day was still dawning. I was the first to paddle out, excited and motivated. Eager to feel invigorated by the ocean once more, I wasted no time on shore observing the waves. I rushed into the water as if there was a competition in play. Only in retrospect do I realize how ridiculous this was.

Still not light enough to see clearly and not having checked the surf before paddling out, what had to happen, happened. Half blind in the dim light, I didn’t see a big set coming. Too late to escape, I ate the set. The ocean forced me to endure powerful waves crashing over me, relentlessly pulling me down, forcefully holding me down. Unable to breathe. Feelings of frustration and anger arose at first. But quickly turned into fear and helplessness. I hated it.

The set passed, but I was still out of breath, my heart still racing, hammering in my chest. I knew it wasn’t because I was under water for so long, but because of what was accumulated beneath my skin for too long. I was angry and frustrated, fighting, resisting, rushing. The past days and weeks left me breathless.

I forgot how to breathe.

Rush hour

After my nightmare surf that morning, I came home with a sense of numbness in my heart. Anger and frustration turned into disappointment, and disappointment into resignation and apathy. Things don’t seem to work out the way I want.

At home, I sat down and thought about everything that had happened in recent days and weeks.

Life felt like a busy highway during rush hour lately. People are cutting each other off and driving aggressively as if trying to win some imaginary race. Honking horns and frustrated drivers made it almost impossible to hear my own voice.

It’s as if everyone is in a hurry, and the tension is palpable. Contagious. It’s as if the anxiety spreads from one person to the next in a never-ending cycle. Competing in a race without a finish line.

And today, I realized that I had become one of them. Rushing around in circles. Annoyed by traffic jams, I rudely cut off other drivers in an attempt to save a few seconds on my way home. I’m frustrated by arrogant narcissists on land, and, at the same time, I failed to show kindness to a fellow beginner surfer in the water myself.

I got caught up in the fast-paced world and the egocentric nature of modern life. It exposed my own selfishness, impatience, and arrogance. It made me forget to pause, to breathe, to be the real me.

Learn how to breathe

Learning how to breathe is more than just taking in air. It’s about taking a moment to pause, to slow down, and to see things the way they truly are. It’s about not letting others push and rush us into negativity but instead taking the time to disconnect from the world and ground ourselves.

To breathe means to give ourselves space we need to think, feel, and connect with the softer parts of ourselves. It means to stop reacting to the world around us and start listening to the voice within. We can’t control the actions of others, but we can control our own responses. We can control our own breath.

Deep, slow breaths allow us to respond from a place of clarity and calmness instead of reacting out of fear and anger. It’s that simple. Studies have shown that deep, slow breathing can help activate the vagus nerve and stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system. Meaning you will stop responding from a “fight or flight” mode and instead act from a state of clarity.

In the last couple of weeks, it was hard for me to relax, calm down, slow down. There was too much to do and think and too little time to feel. By neglecting the softer, emotional aspects of myself, I felt as though I was only living half a life. Left me feeling disconnected and incomplete.

It’s time to live fully again. To take control of my own life and find the calm within. To feel my own softness again.

So let´s take a deep breath, slow down, and remember that we can control our breath (and therefore lives).

Breathe with me

Here’s one way how to practice diaphragmatic breathing:

1. Place one hand on your stomach and the other hand on your chest.

2. Breathe in through your nose for a slow count of two. You should feel your stomach rise as you inhale. The inhale should be very calm and light.

3. Exhale even more slowly over a slow count of three. As you do so, you should feel your hand on your stomach moving down to its original position.

Repeat this for 3-5 minutes.

Once you are comfortable with this exercise, you can increase the time of the inhale and exhale slowly.