#20 Project: Conversations - Part 1

After realizing I was becoming more asocial than usual, I decided it was time to mingle more. Although I really love spending time alone, it has reached an unhealthy level. Therefore, I have decided to embark on “Project: Conversations.”

How everything started

I cherish solitude but realized that I also needed external stimuli to get inspired, gain new perspectives, and broaden my horizon. So, I made a pact with myself to speak with anyone who seeks a conversation with me, no matter who they are, the situation, or how much or little time I have.

Well, it's been a whole month since I committed to my little project, and let me tell you, it's been quite the ride! At first, I was thrilled to have all sorts of interactions, from brief but sweet chats to more in-depth conversations. But I have to admit, that first week was a bit of a shock to my system. Here's why:

Number 1: People are lonely

It's easy to feel like people are caught up in their own little worlds, constantly glued to their phones, and they can come off as ignorant and arrogant. But in reality, the exact opposite is true. They are actually starving for connection. They are just looking in the wrong place.

When you are in a public area surrounded by strangers, try putting your phone down and taking a moment to make eye contact with someone while projecting a friendly attitude. You will be surprised by their reaction and how rapidly their energy can shift.

Eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication and social interaction. When the eyes of two people meet, not only can we communicate our emotions and convey friendliness, but we also establish trust and a sense of safety.

My little project made me realize that many people are starving for this little moment of "being seen.” The urge to be seen and acknowledged by others is deeply encoded in us as social beings and gives us a sense of belonging within a larger community.

It puzzles me that many people crave this kind of attention outside their inner social circles. Home is where you have people around you who truly see you, where someone just looks into your eyes and know what's going on with you.

It's sad to think that there are people out there who don't have that kind of home, who don't have anyone seeing them, watching over them. Who are truly lonely.

Sidenote:

Dear fellas, just a heads up: apparently, there are some guys out there who believe that if a woman makes eye contact, it's a surefire sign that she's looking for a little more than just a conversation. It’s not.

Just because we make eye contact doesn't mean we want to jump into bed with you. So please, let's all take a deep breath, relax, and remember that sometimes a gaze is just a gaze.

Number 2: People don't look for conversation but rather for an audience

I had to learn that starting a social interaction is easy, but initiating a genuine conversation is difficult. A conversation is an exchange of ideas or thoughts between two people, where speaking and listening are equally important.

While speaking comes quite naturally to many, listening does not.

I realized that people are simply not interested in listening; they instead want to talk about themselves. I know that our human brain is wired to prioritize things important for our survival, but the level of self-centredness I’ve observed is quite extreme.

Number 3: Many people are struggling

I came across some odd stories, but there was one interaction that particularly stood out.

One afternoon, I walked along the beach. I had my earphones in, trying to tune out the world, when I noticed a guy walking suspiciously close. Despite not feeling particularly sociable at the time, I decided to engage with him if he initiated a conversation.

Well, he did.

The way he started the conversation was both hilarious and slightly disturbing. After asking me what music I was listening to (and not recognizing my favorite band, Tool), he followed up with the question, “Do you enjoy discussing deep questions?”

Oh boy. I was seriously considering making a quick escape, but I stayed for the sake of my project.

We somehow found ourselves discussing philosophy and stoicism, and he pointed out that he longed for a simpler life but struggled to achieve it. He casually mentioned that his life was quite complicated at the moment. Me being an interested listener, I asked why.

And instantly regretted it.

As it turned out, he had recently gone through a difficult breakup. His ex-girlfriend decided to burn his passport (for reasons unknown to me), so now he had to travel to the capital to obtain a new one.

However, to add a little more drama to his complicated situation, his visa had already expired. This meant he would face hefty fines or even deportation if he didn’t sort things out soon.

He admitted that he used partying as a way to avoid dealing with the current challenges in his life.

However, he eventually realized that drinking was causing more problems than it solved. For example, when he started a fight with his ex´s new boyfriend in a restaurant.

He knew he needed to change and committed to getting sober.

I thought his story couldn’t get any worse, but then he dropped the next insight of his life. He explained that he had heard that using certain drugs could help to get sober (this logic?!?). That’s why he was on the beach, looking for his dealer to get some pills.

What a mess.

I mean, this guy´s life is riddled with so many disturbing aspects that it’s hard to pinpoint just one. From a bad breakup to his passport being burned to having an expired visa to struggling with alcoholism and seeking a solution in drugs.

And the saddest thing about this is that I was not even shocked. Unfortunately, this kind of story is all too common in the town I live in.

I had lost all hope of finding normal conversations here.

Three more weeks to go in “Project: Conversation”

I was frustrated. And even began to doubt myself. Am I the weird one? Am I abnormal because I leave the house without my phone, don’t drink, stay away from drugs, have no relationship dramas, and live a healthy life?

I felt the need to take a break from socializing.

So I did.

Coming next:

Project: Conversations - Part 2

What happened when I changed my environment.